Is Your Toddler Hitting Others?

What can you do about it? The first step in learning how to deal with this problem is to understand what's going on inside your child's head. Why is your toddler hitting others? What is motivating him to do so?

Let's take a look at some of the reasons:

o Experimentation with cause and effect - Toddlers love to experiment with cause and effect. What happens if you hit someone? They have no prior experience to fall back on, therefore they have no idea that hitting someone can cause harm or pain, or that they can make their victim cry. To them hitting isn't "bad". It's just another form of experimentation.

o To get attention - Some toddlers believe that by hitting someone else (such as a sibling), they will get their parent's attention. This is the child's way of telling Mommy and Daddy, "Hey I'm hitting so-and-so. Look at me. Pay attention to me!"

o Self-centeredness - Children view themselves as being the center of the universe. Everything revolves around them. Therefore, hitting another child is really all about "me" and "my" needs. They don't understand that the world does not't revolve around them and that other kids also have rights and have feels too.

o Lack of knowledge of how to deal with conflict - Toddlers may not have this concept of how to engage in conflict resolution in a civilized manner. To them, if another child poses a threat (such as by not sharing toys), then they only know how to physically deal with the threat.

Okay, so now that we have explored some of the reasons why is your toddler hitting others, let's take a look at some of the do's and don'ts for how to deal with this malignant behavior:

o Whatever you do, do not punish your child by hitting him or spanking him. That just sends out the wrong message, that he is being punished for hitting another child by being hit. You are sending your child mixed signals that hitting is sometimes okay. If you are trying to teach your child about self-control in certain situations, then you need to practice self-control as well.

o Anticipate the situations that increase your child's tendency to start hitting. Is your child overstimulated, tired, hungry, or ill? Learn to take care of your child's needs and steer your child in the right direction, to help him avoid getting into a situation that might induce him to want to start hitting other kids.

o Teach your child how to engage in conflict resolution in a civil manner. When a conflict occurs, you could give your child a "time out" and use that opportunity to explain to your child that what he did is wrong or bad. Explain to him that you understand how he feels and that you empathize with him that the other child took his toy, for example. But explain that hitting is not the appropriate way to respond, but that he should respond assertively in an appropriate manner.

The key to dealing with toddler hitting problems is to first understand why is your toddler hitting others.

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