Your Toddler's Bad Behavior is Not Your Fault! Here's How to Take Responsibility Anyway

Toddlers are at a great age, developmentally. They are right between being a baby and a child: really they are just at the stage where they are learning to be "human."

In the process they will want to express their desires, their displeasure, and their needs. These are all good things that we need to express as members of a human society. Problem is, a lot of toddlers don't have the language yet to express what they want or need in terms we adults understand. And it's true, sometimes to them the world seems oh-so-unfair.

That's when you see a tantrum. Not being able to control your environment completely plus lack of language skills equals screaming, crying, kicking and (sometimes) biting.

And guess what? It's not your fault. You're not a bad parent. Your kids are doing just what they're supposed to do: grow up, at their own pace.

So don't worry about your son or daughter if there is a flare up of terrible twos temper. It's natural! It is part of growing up.

There are ways, however, that you may want to use to communicate to your toddler in their terms, using language skills that they understand, so that neither you nor your child has to endure a tantrum.

Change the Environment: Taking your child out of the heat of the moment may change the tone of the tantrum or diffuse it entirely.

Be Firm, but Control your Own Temper: Don't let your toddler bring you into a yelling competition. Instead, use a quiet, calming but serious voice

Be Consistent: If you say that you won't buy candy at the supermarket, stick to your guns. Don't succumb to bargaining. (Kids are excellent bargainers!)

Congratulate Good Behavior! At the free school where I work with truant children, we "celebrate the good." If you catch your child having good behavior, celebrate with hugs and high fives! Nurture what you want to grow.

Finally, and of course, tell your child that you love them. As parents, our love is unconditional. We don't love our kids because of good behavior, or turn off our love for bad behavior. We can disapprove of the behavior and still love the child. Make sure your little one has plenty of assurance that he or she is loved...regardless of any tantrums they may "naturally" have.

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